Turns out, the world did need another stock market report.
Just not the kind written like a bedtime story for hedge fund interns.
Welcome to Wall Street Wink—fast, factual, and faintly exasperated. Jason Kelly’s evening market recap skewers the daily circus with a cocked eyebrow, feather-stripped metaphors, and the occasional pigeon in a ping-pong room. If you’re after sharp data and sharper similes, you’ve found your spot.
Each brief dispatch captures what mattered that day, without making you regret learning to read. Just the market’s key moves, key players, and key absurdities, served dry, like truth and a good martini.
A sampling of recent headlines:
Jobs Report Generates 1% Enthusiasm (June 6)
From Triple-A to ‘Aah, Whatever’ (May 19)
When Trump Says ‘Buy,’ You Buy (May 12)
Banana Republican Seeks Central Bank (April 22)
Wall Street’s Enthusiasm Matches a DMV Waiting Room (March 18)
Click any headline above to read the full piece—unless you’re after “Banana Republican,” which is behind the paywall. Of course it is.
Here’s a taste anyway:
It was the S&P 500’s third stumble in four sessions, and the Nasdaq’s fourth straight downer, a streak fit for the Make America Groan Again campaign now in full swing. … Trump’s trade war against almost every country on earth is going about as well as Blockbuster’s digital strategy…
From April 18’s “Pyromaniac-in-Chief Blames Fire on Fed”:
Never known for introspection, our Accountability Escape Artist reached for his favorite tactic: blame someone else. The buck stops there. … On the table: one fat finger aimed squarely at Jerome Powell, who still won’t cut rates on command like a well-trained central bank butler…
This is what Wall Street Wink offers: the day’s market reality, stripped of jargon, dipped in sarcasm, and handed to you while it’s still warm.
Why subscribe?
Brevity with bite. About one page, because you have a life.
Dry wit with depth. Market clarity without a whiteboard.
A wink, not a lecture. Because a knowing smirk beats a panicked scream.
Behind it all is Jason Kelly
Author of ten financial books, including:
The Neatest Little Guide to Stock Market Investing (a BusinessWeek best seller)
The 3% Signal (which retired dollar-cost averaging with a polite nod)
Financially Stupid People Are Everywhere: Don’t Be One of Them (a Wall Street Journal 2024 Summer Reading pick for truth-telling with teeth)
He also runs The Kelly Letter, featuring a weekly rules-based portfolio that calmly profits from the chaos Wall Street Wink recounts.
What’s the difference?
Wall Street Wink follows the daily parade with a wry grin. It knows that today’s panic will be tomorrow’s punchline, and next week’s darling will be next month’s disaster. The only true forecast, as J.P. Morgan said, is: “It will fluctuate.”
The Kelly Letter ignores the drama and lets math make the calls. Its quarterly rebalancing isn’t routine, it’s responsive—buying more as bargains grow, selling more as profits mount. A quarter’s worth of emotion distills down to one thing: price change. And price change fits into a formula.
Subscription options
Wall Street Wink – $100/year
The starting point. Subscribe right on this page.The Kelly Letter – $1,050/year
For investors who want a full plan. Learn more at jasonkelly.com.
Let the others panic. You’ll be watching the fireworks from a lawn chair, feet up, portfolio intact.
